


Explosion

by orphan_account



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Character Study, F/M, First Time, Future Fic, Heavy Angst, Kinda, POV Male Character, Post-Breakup and technically speaking Post-2x10 I guess, this is like pain galore and as a result self-indulgent as hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-08 08:35:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13454475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: It sticks, it sticks, itsticks.He hardly has the right to complain, after all, he veered them into this direction. She pleaded with him and yet he couldn't allow himself to let her back in. It's better this way, for both of them — but especially for her. That's all he really cares about deep down.OR, Betty and Jughead break up, don't get back together, but continue loving each other along the way.





	Explosion

**Author's Note:**

> this is like all of my angsty feelings channeled into one piece, so happy characters or an explicit happy end are not to be found here. (in fact, the ending was supposed more on the depressing side before changes.) also thanks to seafret for being partly responsible for this piece, and a certain fictional couple; thanks to _kelsey and david_ for teaching me the true meaning of angst, pining, misunderstandings, and loving each other throughout the ages.

**i. love is more like a loaded gun than a safety net to fall back on**

It sticks, it sticks, it _sticks._

He hardly has the right to complain, after all, he veered them into this direction. She pleaded with him and yet he couldn't allow himself to let her back in. It's better this way, for both of them _—_ but especially for her. That's all he really cares about deep down.

It hurts like hell at first, this burning pain that erodes at his insides, plunges the world into deep darkness even when it's glaringly bright outside, renders his nerves dead for a seemingly interminable period of time. When that passes, the pain he carries with him is the kind of dull ache that you temporarily forget about but that always intensifies intermittently to remind you it's still there.

They continue being friends of course. 

But not really. 

They walk in the same circles and exchange formalities, but they aren't even close to what they once were. The label of _acquaintances_ is now more appropriate than any other. They're tangent lines.

He busies himself by constructing his whole life around the Serpents. It's a distraction, and he might as well give it his everything, be the best leader this wayward family has ever seen, since this part of his messed-up life pushed them apart. 

He doesn't really know what's going on with her life, except that she still excels at everything she does, blond pulled back hair bouncing as vigorously as ever in the school hallways, and maybe he glances her way more frequently than is healthy. 

Toni and Sweet Pea nudge him back into reality whenever they catch his eyes straying. There's pity in their faces, and sympathy, too. They will never replace her, but they do make good sober sponsors.

Betty's not the only one he has drifted apart from. His friendship with Archie is like a fever dream at this point, just like the memories of his life prior to the moment where he shrugged into the black leather jacket emblazoned with a green snake on the back.

At some point toward the end of sophomore year, he hears a rumor about her going on a date or having gone on a date with Trevor, or Travis, or whatever his name is, and it doesn't even matter if it's the truth or idle gossip but it's powerful enough to send him spiraling. He picks up a shot glass for the first time in his life. It turns out, it's sometimes the little things that strike the heaviest.

"You're a mess, Jones," Toni says, sad and worried, as she brushes sweaty hair out of his face. He's sitting wretchedly on the cold tiled bathroom floor of the Whyte Wyrm, back against the wall and next to the toilet he hunched over a minute ago.

"I don't think I have ever seen someone puke this hard from drinking so few shots," Sweet Pea says and plops down next to him, handing him paper towels.

''I'm an enigma," Jughead says, a brittle smile on his lips.

''Or instead you are just an unskilled lightweight," Toni grins, and he makes a sound somewhere between a chuckle and a snort. It's the closest thing to a laugh he has produced in months.

In this moment, the wound that is the incision across his heart heals minorly. And it will progress many more times in the future.

The wound never fully closes, though.

 

**ii. like walking around with a ticking bomb and just counting down to the explosion**

There's a party, there's booze, and there's  _her._

It's a dangerous combination.

It's December, Junior Year, and Cheryl Blossom is hosting a party in her haunted house. Cheryl and Toni have been going steady for a few months now, so Jughead should've foreseen that Toni would spend the majority of the party at Cheryl's side. He never should've let Toni convince him to tag along. 

Because now he's tipsy, trembling hand clutching a red plastic cup, gazing at the girl who outshines the sun in radiance. She's engaged in conversation with Kevin, hands waving about energetically like she wholeheartedly believes whatever she's telling him. Her hair's down in loose waves; it's longer now, reaching down to the middle of her back, and she's wearing a black halter top. Jesus, this girl.

He shakes himself out of it, or maybe it's Sweet Pea who lightly slaps him on the side of his head as he passes him by, an arm draped over the shoulder of a petite ravenhead. He thinks it's Veronica, but that's a crazy notion to entertain, and a clear sign he must have drunk more than he thought.

He discards the cup, slips into his leather jacket and steps outside, where the air is frosty, but refreshing. He feels like he can breathe again.

He leans against the house, hands buried in the pockets of his jeans, the exterior lamp he's standing under illuminating him, while he's staring out into the darkness. He stays like this for a while, until the front door next to him opens, and Betty steps outside, upper body covered in a latte moto jacket, arms wrapped around herself. 

She hasn't noticed him, and he doesn't know if she went outside because she needed space like him or because she's leaving, but he harrumphs unnecessarily regardless. 

She turns around, her eyes widening when they land on him. Her features twitch, like she wants to look at him in a different way, but in the end, she manages to keep her muscles under control.

"Hey, Jughead," she breathes, smiling weakly. The wind blows hair into her face, and she tucks it behind her ear.

"Hey to you, too," he says, voice coming out husky and more affected than he intended. They haven't been this alone and close in proximity since Sophomore Year, and the image of her mingled with the alcohol coursing through his bloodstream is dazing him.

Neither of them moves or says anything for a while before Jughead decides to speak up. "So are you heading home, or..."

How fucking lame. But it's the only thing he could think of. And he needed to say something. Just anything.

"No. I leave with Kevin. We promised each other we wouldn't leave without the other. But he's, well," Betty looks at him like she isn't sure if she should tell him, "kind of occupied right now. With somebody."

"Oh." Jughead raises his eyebrows. "Is that what you were enthusiastically talking about back in there? About him going after that person?" The words tumble out before Jughead can stop himself, and if he could take them back he would because they expose him naked.

"Were you watching me?" Betty asks, lips parted.

He bows his head. "Maybe I was. Or maybe you were simply in my periphery while I was watching everybody else."

"Don't do that, Jughead," she says and treads closer.

"Do what?" he asks and raises his eyes to meet hers. His sight is filled with her now, her sweet perfume drifting around him, and he has never felt more scared.

She inhales a sharp breath. "Act like the cool guy who doesn't care when you obviously do." 

"And why does it matter to you how I act?"

It comes out snarky, maybe a touch too snarky, and it's probably the first thing he has done right tonight. She's chipping away at the walls that he has carefully built around himself, but he can't let that happen. It's not part of the plan.

She bites her bottom lip, severely. "Because I know you. Because you matter to me and I care about you in spite of everything that happened between us. That doesn't go away with time."

His heart is pounding so violently it's about to break out of his chest. Her words touch the part inside of him that wants to put his hands on her hips, pull her toward him, and kiss her until the sun rises. But when he broke up with her almost a year ago, it had been a conscious choice. And he isn't going to backtrack on it now. So instead of doing what he desperately wants to do, he clenches his fists.

"I guess it doesn't," is all that he offers her. He does mean it.

He thinks perhaps he sent out the wrong signals, because Betty steps closer, until they are only a hair's breadth apart, hooks her fingers into the material of his jacket, and descends her lips on his.

He should put a stop to this immediately, but he can't. He responds instinctively, pressing her flush against him, deepening the kiss, knowing how to maneuver around her mouth like they haven't been apart for eons. 

The kiss grows more wanton, the heat between them rising to exponential levels, replacing the cold around them. 

It's lovely and fervid and exhilarating and they are disrupted by a couple of people who they aren't familiar with staggering out noisily. Betty and Jughead stare after them as they stumble into the night, before locking eyes again. 

Betty cards her fingers through Jughead's unruly hair.

"Betty..." he starts, but before he can say anything else, she grabs his hand and guides him to his motorcycle parked outside Cheryl's house.

"Drive me home," she says softly. They both know what she really means by that. 

Jughead has officially conceded to the war inside himself. It's just one night, he tells himself. People relapse all the time. Most peoples relapses are not as meaningful as this one is going to be, though. If Sweet Pea and Toni were by his side right now, they would berate him senseless.

"What about Kevin?"

"He'll manage."

He hands her his helmet, and they climb onto the motorcycle, Betty's arms clasped around Jughead's waist, racing away.

 

The Cooper house is silent and dark, and they gingerly pad to Betty's room. They sleep together, and it's the first time for both of them. They always wanted to do it with each other, albeit they had envisioned for it to happen under different circumstances. It's gentle and sweet, and there's a lot of eye contact, intertwined hands, and when Betty emits her final, sharp gasp, a tear drop rolling down her face, Jughead tenderly swipes it away.

Before the sun has the chance to rise, he's gone.

Betty understood the conditions of their encounter, without Jughead having to explain them out loud, but she would rather have him for one night than not at all.

 

**iii. don't need no doctor I know she's the best thing for my health**

Something Jughead realizes, shortly after the night he spent with Betty is this: Betty can live without him. She loves him, as much as he loves her, but she doesn't collapse like a crumbling building when she isn't around him like he does. Even back when they were together and relatively stable, he savored every second with her like a parched man would water droplets in the desert. Maybe because a part of him always knew that happiness isn't meant for him. Happiness is something fleeting that he has to enjoy as long as he's able to grasp it.

Needless to say, Sweet Pea and Toni have a full-time job on their hands following that night.

 

**iv. our love shines like a mirror ball**

They go back to interacting as scarcely as they used to prior to their night together; Jughead sticking to his Serpents, and Betty sticking to Archie, Veronica, and Kevin, until Senior Prom. And then again until graduation.

 _At_ _Senior Prom,_ Betty's with Kevin, while Jughead's date is Sweet Pea. Jughead likes to ascribe the utterly platonic nature of both pairings to him and Betty gravitating toward each other and sharing a dance. They sway to a slow song, his hands on her waist and her hands winded around his neck. They gaze into each other's eyes the whole time and smile. Something about all the glitter and the punch and the smell of cheap hairspray pervading the room makes this their lightest moment, completely drained of tension, in literal years.

At _graduation_ , everybody is gathered for the last time together. Betty's valedictorian, giving an impressive, touching speech, and he swears her eyes focus on him more than anybody else. A bazillion pictures are taken, including one of him and Betty. Toni snaps the picture of them, and when she shows it to him, he notes mentally how much he and Betty look like a couple. Graduation is not the last time they see each other that day though. When he picks up an order at Pop's, he spots her sitting at a booth, sipping at a vanilla milkshake, typing away at her notebook. He ambles over to her.

"Hey," she says genially when she sees him coming her way.

"Hey yourself," he replies and slides into the other side of the booth. He isn't exactly sure why he did that. Since Senior Prom they have been more amicable than before, but still with clear lines separating them. Today's special though, like a full moon.

"So what are you writing about?" Jughead asks.

"Well, I'm actually doing research. I'm not sure if you heard, but I'm attending Columbia this fall. And before the semester starts, I'm going to spend a few weeks in Manhattan, doing an internship and exploring the city," Betty beams.

"I'm happy for you, Betty," Jughead says, a bit wistfully. He obviously hadn't expected for her to stay in Riverdale like himself, but he's going to miss chancing glances at her.

"Thank you. So what are your plans?" she asks.

He bites the inside of his cheek. "I'm going to stay here, attend community college, take care of my Serpents," he says. Suddenly the words taste like bile on his tongue.

"That sounds good," Betty smiles genuinely. 

"Yeah," Jughead sighs. 

Just as Jughead's about to leave, Betty says, "I'm sorry it didn't work out."

Jughead halts in his movement. "It was never your fault," he says.

Her eyes glitter with something he can't name. "It was never your fault either," she says.

Her words grip his throat like a vise, lodging a lump in his airway that makes it difficult for him to breathe. He clears his throat, desperately craving for air. "Sorry, I have to go," he says hastily and evaporates.

Back home, he grasps the picture of Betty and him Toni printed out for him in his hands, Betty's words ringing in his head relentlessly. About two years have passed since they broke up, and a day hasn't gone by where he didn't think about her at least once. He's sure he did the right thing back then. Protecting Betty had been his number one priority, and he had succeeded in doing that. Would things be different now? 

No, they wouldn't be, he decides. And even if they were, he's certain they have missed their window by now.

 

**v. I don't want nobody else**

A week before the first college year starts, Jughead finds an envelope in the mailbox. It's from Betty, containing a picture postcard and a letter; the picture is a photo  of her taken in Central Park sitting on dewy grass. The sun is dousing her, putting glints of gold in her hair, and she's glowing. He unfolds the letter, to find it scrawled to the brim.

_Hey, Juggie._  


_Feels like a million years since I've called you that. But I always preferred it to Jughead. Sounds more natural. Anyway, I'm rambling. I have barely seen 1/3rd of Manhattan but I already love it. Veronica told me when she's back from her vacation and is settled into NYU she's going to take me to all these secret spots only the natives know about on the weekends. And my internship is a blast, too. Sounds pretty perfect, right? Except I realized how much more I would enjoy my time here with you by my side, making snarky commentary on everything. Even though I haven't gotten to enjoy it full-time in years. You know, I understand why you pushed me away, now probably more than back then. But your reasons for pushing me away don't hold up anymore, Jug. Of course, you also have to allow yourself to be loved. Which I do. I never stopped. I want you to know, if you doubted if there still was a chance for us, this is your sign that there is. I'm not going to wait around forever for you, though._

_Love, Betty_

_PS. By the time you get this I should be back home. Just in case you want to tell me something._

 

 

 

**fin.**


End file.
